I was in a dark place years ago—a place where fear and negativity felt like my default, and I was so stuck I couldn’t imagine a way out. But two books changed my life and my thinking. To say they “changed me” feels too insignificant; they saved me. If you read nothing else of this post take this thought with you, “Our thoughts determine our lives.”
As I started learning more about thought awareness, a fancy way to say, “Think about what you’re thinking about,” I decided, “I want to be a joy thinker.” This was brand new territory, and without childhood examples to fall back on, I had no idea where to start. I began searching for resources to support that new way of thinking…my new way of life.
In my search for teaching and lessons on how to be a joy thinker, I found one counselor and two books. The counselor serendipitously turned out to be a Biblical counselor and taught me that the Word of God was powerful and a weapon against my old thought patterns and habits. I also found the book, The 4:8 Principle: The Secret to a Joy-Filled Life.
Armed with my counselor encouraging me, my Bible guiding and strengthening me, and my new book teaching me I trudged ahead. It was not easy or pleasant at times. It was hard work and I remember one time telling my husband I felt like I was rewiring my DNA.
Armed with the knowledge that our thoughts determine our lives, I started retraining my mind and breaking free from negative, dangerous thought patterns. Years later in Christian Life Coach Certification, I learned, “Our lives will never be better than how we think about our lives.”
Becoming a Joy Thinker
The 4:8 Principle and its companion book, 40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life, were eye-opening. They reminded me that if I wanted joy, I had to do more than just “hope to be happy.” I had to intentionally and actively work to change my thinking. I also had to prepare myself, this wasn’t going to happen overnight. But I knew I hated where I was and if I wasn’t willing to put in that work, I’d stay exactly there…STUCK!
Girls, I was approaching my 40s, and the idea of spending the rest of my life stuck was overwhelming. It hit me: I had to change if I wanted joy, not just for myself but also for my family. I always tell my coaching clients, “I go first!” And the truth is, you go first too momma. This thought of changing not only my life but also my family motivated me! How often do we do something for the good of the family that we might skip over if it were just for us?
In The 4:8 Principle, the author’s analogy of the mind as a computer was powerful for me. He wrote:
“In many ways, your brain works like a computer. When you receive positive or negative input, you store it in your subconscious and later express those messages in your feelings and behaviors… Unless you are taught to reject negative messages, you tend to accept them as truth.”
Newberry’s insight made me think of Proverbs 27:19: “As water reflects a face, so the heart reflects the real person.” The messages I had input were becoming my reality. It was then I realized that all the absolute garbage I had been exposed to as a child and all the junk I took in as an adult–books, television, music, gossip were directly creating my thoughts, feelings, and emotions! It became my mission to fill my mind with life-giving thoughts, not only for myself but for my kids.
Mommas, we can’t give what we don’t have. I’ve been there—fearful, anxious, joyless, and struggling—and I fought hard to learn and reclaim joy. I want that so badly for you! I want you to know there is hope and it can and does work! I’m proof!! Let me guide and teach you!!
Teaching Joy as a Habit
Joy isn’t about pretending to be cheerful all the time. Joy-thinking is about recognizing the thoughts that are less than joyful, allowing space for them, and transforming them into what I WANT to think. I’ve discovered we can learn to be a joy-filled person, even if it’s not our default setting.
Negative thoughts can become a habit, but so can joy. Research in neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself, shows that what we repeatedly think becomes a habit—good or bad. This science-backed truth gave me hope that I could intentionally change my thoughts, which in turn would change my feelings and actions. In my Life Coaching practice I call this the “Creation Cycle.” Our thoughts create our feelings which drive our actions.
I had to learn to stop saying things like, “I’m a worrier,” a label I’d carried for years. Just because that label had been spoken over me repeatedly as a child, I didn’t have to continue to carry it. If I could call myself a worrier, why not a “truster”? Just that shift in words started making a difference.
Speaking Kindly to Myself
In those days, it felt natural to talk to myself negatively: “I’m not a good cook…I’ll never learn this…Nothing fits right…” I know you know what I’m talking about! The problem was, the more I repeated those thoughts, the more miserable I became. Science shows that negative thinking reinforces negative neural pathways. But the opposite is true as well—positive thoughts create positive pathways. This understanding, combined with truths from Scripture, was freeing for me.
God made us capable of rewiring our thoughts, and Philippians 4:8 was the ultimate blueprint for me: “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.” I started noticing that changing my thoughts was changing my life.
My Journey to Hope and Healing
When I started learning about these simple mindset shifts, I realized I’d been living with labels that weren’t serving me: “I’m just a worrier,” or “I’m overwhelmed.” I remember the day I heard Big Daddy Weave’s song Overwhelmed on the radio. I thought, “Yes, God, this is about me! I’m so overwhelmed!” But as I listened, the Holy Spirit reminded me that the song was about being overwhelmed by the goodness of God, not Jenny overwhelmed by her life. My thoughts had become so self-protective and so self-centered that I’d been missing the beauty of God’s presence.
The Bible, The 4:8 Principle, and my counselor helped me see that I could choose to dwell on truth rather than lies. Over time, my default thoughts became hopeful and joy-filled. This didn’t happen overnight; it was gradual, but now I strive to default to joy as my habit.
Girls, if you feel stuck, know that you have the power to change your thoughts. And if you need someone to walk with you on this journey, I’m here. As someone who’s been where you are…I know I should say “I would be honored to help you”…but what I want to say is, “I would be so excited to help you learn to find joy, peace, and hope; to wake up to your life!”
You are ready to start your journey to joy! Let’s connect. Book a free session with me, and let’s begin together.
Scripture References:
- Proverbs 27:19
- Matthew 7:20
- Philippians 4:8
Leave a Reply