May has been a little quiet here huh? Although I’ve tried to keep friends here in the loop, it’s been mainly through Instagram or Facebook via short updates. Let’s go back to Spy Wednesday, or the Wednesday before Good Friday.
The Wednesday before Good Friday my dad messaged me asking about a spot on my face. He had seen a Facebook video and thought the spot on my face, the one I lovingly referred to as my “Old Lady” mark looked bigger. That was funny because just the day before I remembered thinking it looked smaller.
I messaged my dad back telling him I see the dermatologist yearly, my last check had been in November and everything was fine. He messaged me back encouraging me to have it checked out. I let him know I couldn’t just call and get an appointment right then, but to appease him I would call and see if they had anything available.
I called the dermatologist office on Wednesday and surprisingly they had an appointment that Friday in the afternoon. We had Alpaca shearing that morning and it was Good Friday, but I went ahead and made the appointment. I thought I would go in, he would look at me, tell me I was fine–just like I had been in November, and I would be on my way and out the money for the appointment since we hadn’t met our insurance deductible; all this to give my dad some peace of mind.
My appointment that Friday did not go as expected. The nurse asked the reason for my visit, took my information and left the room. She came back into the room and took a picture of my face and told me the doctor would be right with me. I thought this was a little odd since I have never had a picture taken at the dermatologist’s office, but no biggy.
The doctor came and we talked briefly, me mentioning I had just been there in November and he had seen the spot, no big deal, etc. Except he decided he wanted to do a biopsy. At 3pm on Good Friday, the time we commemorate our Blessed Lord dying on the cross, I was getting numbing shots in my face and my “Old Lady” mark removed for a biopsy. I went out to my car after the appointment, shaking, and cried.
Four days later, on the Tuesday after Easter, I received the call that my “Old Lady” mark was a Melanoma in Situ. I cried again. I was told a consultation with a plastic surgeon was scheduled two weeks later and then an excision surgery appointment would be scheduled. I cried again.
Before the plastic surgery appointment could happen a place on my nose that would come and go, reappeared so back to the dermatologist I would go. There, he would freeze the place off, just in case. Not ashamed to admit, I cried again.
I took a beloved friend with me to the plastic surgeon appointment where the doctor overwhelmed me with too much information and gave me all possible scenarios from best case to worst case. I go in my car after the appointment and…you guessed it, cried again.
On Monday May 6th Chris drove me for my excision surgery. The surgeon explained he would need to remove 5mm around the biopsy site and cut into my cheek, going through three layers until he got to the muscle. Prior to my excision, he offered a prescription of Valium and Xanax for anxiety and pain on the day of the surgery. I refused the prescription. I have never taken those medications and the thought of taking anti-anxiety medication, not knowing how I would react, caused me great anxiety! I also refused the medication because I have a very deep and painful intention I was offering all of my pain, suffering, fear, anxiety, and worry for. The thought of which right now as I type this, brings me to tears.
The multiple injections into my face to numb it were painful. I have delivered three large babies without any pain medication and this was right up there in terms of pain–without the endorphin rush or heavenly smelling sweet baby afterward. The surgery was uncomfortable because although I couldn’t “feel” the surgery, I could feel a pressure and a pulling and hear the noises of what was happening. Um, not fun!
And then we waited for the results. The doctor informed me there were three possible outcomes:
1. We got it all
2. There was nothing to get as the original biopsy had removed it all
3. This is worse than we thought
I obviously had a favorite and a favorite runner up. I struggled against the fear of the third. So much so I called the surgeon the night before the surgery and said, “You don’t know me. I have 7 children. I have 6 children who play soccer and I have a lot of soccer games to watch. As with anything in life, let’s err on the side of generosity. Whatever margins you think you need to take, I give you permission to take more. I don’t care if I have a scar, I don’t care what I look like. I care about being here and healthy for my family. I am not trying to tell you how to do your job and I appreciate your time and skill. Thank you.”
One week and one day after surgery, on a potentially stormy day, with a still swollen, slightly bruised, definitely sore and now slightly irritated by antibiotic ointment cheek, Chris drove me back the plastic surgeon’s office for the removal of the top layer of stitches and the pathology results. I couldn’t eat at all that day. I basically sat by myself, read Scripture promises and encouragement to myself and listened to the Victory album on repeat. I also made Chris promise me after my appointment, we would go to Torchy’s for queso after my appointment; in my mind I made a feeble attempt to call this a “Victory Celebration” dinner.
I cried yet again. Only this time it was when the surgeon announced we had clear margins and a clear pathology report! He reassured me in time the swelling to my face would go down, but it would need more time because he had to go so deep. My face is still slightly swollen today, I’m 100% ok with that. My face is still slightly tender. I’m 100% ok with that. I have to wear a steri-strip bandage on my face for the next month. I’m 100% ok with that.
I basically had to step away from everything for the month of May. I’m 100% ok with that. The slow process of excision and now healing has not only been a physical endeavor, but it has also been just as much…, no, more so, an emotional and mental excision and healing. This has been traumatic for me.
And as traumatic as my skin cancer has been, life didn’t stop and still hasn’t stopped for me to process and heal. The hearts and souls of my family have still needed tended and cared for. The problems and concerns of those in my home have not been put on pause. The functions of my home have still been necessary on the daily.
So that’s how my May has gone down this year. And at the end of it all, it has been a good month all things considered–I’m alive and cancer free with many more soccer games in my future.
Jenny, that sounds so hard. Every time visited your blog and saw no new posts, I prayed for you. Thank you for what you did; it was so brave to refuse those medications and offer up your pain. May the Lord grant all your prayers. You know the picture of Our Lady of Czestochowa with the “scar”? That what your face reminds me of. Pray for me too. Monika
Ok, this made me cry! I never knew about the scars!!
You have dealt with this with grace and strength. Thank you for inspiring me. Your IG account has (many times) moved me to be faithful in my scripture time. I have also recently “rediscovered” daily rosary and it’s been like an oasis in this sometimes stress-filled desert of daily life. I hope and pray you and your family continue to be well.
Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate that you are willing to be so raw and honest. Waiting for test results can be so scary and unnerving. I will remember to pray more and try to worry less.
Jenny, God is good all the time! Thanks for sharing your story (you see my glory, but you don’t know my story). You are so awesome, wonderful and an encouragement to all your followers!!! Prayers for healing and keep smiling
Jenny you are really looking good, and sounding good as well. Thank you for sharing your story and being so up front with your fear and pain, emotional and physical. Been praying for you you!
Dear Jenny,
What an inspiring story! Your true beauty is inside you and radiates in your face… My heart and prayers are with you.
May God continue to bless you, heal you (inside and out), and fortify you for the full and glorious life He designed for you and your family. He IS good, ALL the time! ~Liz
So thankful to get this report. Blessings and continued strength and gratitude for you and your family.
Thanks be to God for your dad and his wisdom also!
You are so beautiful to me!
I totally agree with Susan. You are beautiful inside and out, Jenny! Sending love and prayers your way!